I feel like I failed you, and I'm sorry I couldn't save you.
"And I was by your side, Powerless": I feel so lost and hurt. And you will never know how much you will be missed. "You'll never know what I became because of you": you will never know how much you meant to me, how you touched my heart, changed my life, and helped me become a better person. "I'm left with emptiness that words can not defend": your death has left a hole in my life and an empty place in my heart, and it was avoidable if you had just let me help. "I watched you fall apart and chased you to the end": I saw you sinking into depression and despair, and I tried to guide you through and help you every step of the way. "And I was by your side, Powerless": I was your friend I was there for you, willing to help you, but you didn't let me. But you threw it all away when you gave up on your life. "And you had it all, but you were careless to let it fall": you had so many opportunities, so many things in your favor, so many people who cared about you. "Ten thousand promises, ten thousand ways to lose": you told me over and over that you were ok, and each time I believed you was a missed chance to save you. (This could be a direct reference to a "cutter" with the "crimson soaking through" being blood from the wound soaking through clothing or bandages.) "I saw the evidence, the Crimson soaking through": I saw the what you had done to yourself. "You woke the Devil that I thought you left behind": you kept your struggle hidden, and led everyone to believe you were fine. "You hid your skeletons, when I had shown you mine": could be a support group: everyone bared their souls, but you held back. I will write using the term "you" as if I am speaking to the person who committed suicide. Looking back, this could be Chester's eulogy for himself. It's a eulogy for someone who has committed suicide. No matter how much I try to explain to them, they will never understand why I feel the way I feel today. They will always pick sides and blame the other for my self-destruction. They will never understand why I became a cynical, negative, self-defeating, young adult that hates his/her life because of them. My parents will never understand the way I feel as an adult now. "You'll never know what I became because of you." I have become so saddened that I have come to a point where I am emotionless to everything. "I'm left with emptiness that words cannot defend."Īll of that pain and abuse you brought unto me left me with an empty and shallow heart. I was there while my mother and father were failing at life and became horrible parents. I was always there to witness all the pain and suffering they have caused each other. I watched my mother and father die in the inside due to depression, frustration, and hopelessness. "I watched you fall apart and chased you to the end." They ruined each others lives, and all I could do was watch because I was powerless to prevent it from happening. My parents held mine and their own future, but they were careless and ended up destroying our lives in the process. You held it all and I was by your side, powerless." "And you held it all but you were careless to let it fall.
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They only showed me how to fail rather than to succeed in life. "Ten thousand promises, ten thousand ways to lose."Īll of those empty promises my parents gave to me while growing up only ended up becoming ten thousand ways to lose in life. I watched my parents try to ruin each others lives in acts of revenge. I saw how they were using me as a pawn to win their battles. I saw the hidden evidence my parents were trying so desperately to keep a secret from me. I watched my parents hurt and sabotage each other. "I saw the evidence, the crimson soaking through."Īs a kid, I was exposed to all of that hate. I thought they left behind all of that fighting and moved on. They woke a devil that would ultimately destroy their relationship with each other and the family. It seems like my parents created a demon of hatred and conflict. "You woke the devil that I thought you'd left behind." I revealed all of my feelings and secrets to my parents, yet they always hide the truth away from me. "You hid your skeletons when I had shown you mine."
It's like a song written by a son/daughter explaining how it feels to grow up with divorced parents who constantly hurt each other throughout their lives.
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